Love and Emotions

Everyday, many times throughout the day, there go my thoughts, right back to you. I've had what I call a good head day pretty much daily for a week now. It's been great, something I'm not used to having in my life. During this time, I have been unbelievably productive in the house and for the first time in 3 years, my whole house is in order according to how I want it to be. (except for the 3 rooms that are not my responsibility and the "details" such as dusting). I haven't had this ambition in a very long time and I am grateful. So, as I am working through the house, you pop up in all types of places. Yesterday, I stripped my bedding and washed & dried them. I put them back on the bed and wanted to take a picture to send to you because I actually made the bed! Last night, I took a hot lavender bubble bath for the first time in several years. I was finally relaxed enough in my head to take one. It felt amazing! I again thought about you. You used to enco...

So, this is love. I'm grabbing my seatbelt as I'm turning in to where I'm going to park, but I stop. I can't unlatch the belt until I am parked. You asked me to do that and I still do, even now. When I grab the belt to soon, I always remember your words and let go of the belt until I have parked. I don't feel loved. I'm trying to feel it. I feel so alone. I know what I need, to just rest my head on your chest. I've never felt more love in my life as a woman than when I just rested on your chest. But, it's not there. The love a woman is so desperately in need of, I no longer have access to and that hurts. BUT....then I remember how you didn't just tell me I was never alone but you explained it to me, on my level. Now, even though I can't rest in your arms and on your chest, I know that I am being held by arms that will never leave me...that's the ultimate love.  I had to clean a child's room today. Again, I thought of you. That is th...