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So This is Love

So, this is love. I'm grabbing my seatbelt as I'm turning in to where I'm going to park, but I stop. I can't unlatch the belt until I am parked. You asked me to do that and I still do, even now. When I grab the belt to soon, I always remember your words and let go of the belt until I have parked.

I don't feel loved. I'm trying to feel it. I feel so alone. I know what I need, to just rest my head on your chest. I've never felt more love in my life as a woman than when I just rested on your chest. But, it's not there. The love a woman is so desperately in need of, I no longer have access to and that hurts.

BUT....then I remember how you didn't just tell me I was never alone but you explained it to me, on my level. Now, even though I can't rest in your arms and on your chest, I know that I am being held by arms that will never leave me...that's the ultimate love.

 I had to clean a child's room today. Again, I thought of you. That is the room that I would have made for your daughter. That won't ever happen now. I'm sad again.

I was looking through my photos on my laptop this evening and came across my Myrtle Beach trip. I saw a picture of myself that I would've normally deleted by now, but I can't. I sent that picture to you and you called me beautiful and said you loved the real smile that was on my face. No one has ever been able to tell if my smile was real or forced before.

So, tonight, this is love to me. All of these things happened today, as did others. This is every day of my life now.

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