Love and Emotions

I've never felt comfortable while taking a shower. I always fear that someone is going to walk in, or stay in and watch. I don't like this feeling. It controls me to the point that I have always bought and used a see through shower curtain so I can see if someone is there. I have also always had a severe fear of being trapped. So, whenever possible, I shower with the bathroom door open. Small steps that help alleviate 2 huge fears.  I do not like being woke up in an intimate manner. I often wake disoriented and confused and scared. I've expressed this to those that needed to know. There are certain words and phrases that just make my skin crawl. There are certain ways that I do not want to be touched. Certain tones of voice make me want to hide and cry. When I allow someone to get close to me, I express these things in more in order to avoid ending a friendship or relationship over something that could be prevented. However, I have heard such things as "you need to ...

My head is out of control. When you hear negative for most of your life (44 years at the moment), it's super easy and comes as second nature to not only believe the negative but to make decisions and live your life according to these negative things. However, when someone says the smallest positive thing, you don't believe it could be truly about you. You don't know how to react or what to say. So...imagine living in the negative for a very long time. You come to a place where you want to hear positive. Think positive. Feel positive. But, you don't believe you will ever get those things because someone like you doesn't deserve them. Then, unexpectedly, all in one day, something changes. Someone sincerely asks your thoughts on a comment that has upset you. Normally, you would keep the hurt and the thoughts to yourself. No one really wants to know. They don't care. They even call you things like 'over sensitive' or 'too emotional' etc. But, whe...