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All in My Mind

How are there so many memories with something that had such a short life? I wanted to go see you, but I couldn't. There's new rules in place, not that I understand what they all are, I know nothing physically intimate is allowed. So, I couldn't go see  you because I couldn't get intimate memories out of my mind's eye today.

So many things. A destroyed rain coat. Sir Tyler Terraces. Taco Bell-UNCW areas. Rainy days. An elevator. Walks....so many walks. Then, all of these memories paints such a vivid movie in my mind that I can't even walk. Not of a memory but of a desire. I unwillingly text so I won't later be tempted to go anyway and take a risk.

I wonder, will I ever have any of this again in my lifetime? Would I even want it if it wasn't with you? The answer is no. I wouldn't want it from any other source. I couldn't let someone else in on that level. It's amazing to me just how inter woven into my life you had become. I didn't even understand the depths until you were no longer there.  I wanted to text to say enjoy practice, something that I did daily before. But I couldn't. I got worried with all of the storms and then wanted to say be careful at practice, if it wasn't cancelled. But again, I couldn't.

No, I definitely do not want that kind of intimacy with anyone else. I will stay with my memories.

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