Skip to main content

Finding MORE

I want what I deserve and I deserve more than I have. You say I can't have what I want due to our individual circumstances. But this is only true in part. Your situation is available as has been told to you, however, you are choosing to believe and hold out hope for that to change to your deep desire (not me).

My situation is that I am willing to fight for what I want including making any and all changes needed in order to get what I want. With that said, I will not continue, nor ever again allow myself to be the only one to fight and/or make changes to reach the ultimate goal.

I will never again feed a one sided situation. I will let it wither and die behind my back as I continue to move forward. I will no longer be set aside until someone wants to get theirs just to set me aside again.

I am more important that sex. I am better than satisfying a physical need for another while I walk away just as empty as when I arrived. I will no longer have my deepest emotions bared and exposed just to pack them up again and remain alone.

I want more. I deserve more. I will have more.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Will Find Me

Who am I? On my own, without you, who am I? I used to know who I was and who I wanted to be, but then, you blew into my life so hard and fast my head is still spinning after how many years...I try to take inventory of myself, you know, keep myself in check and the right course. But somehow, at some point, I lost my direction. Not in every aspect in life, I do have to keep living. But, I've noticed that I don't know who I am without you anymore. I've realized that every thought I have about movement in my life, you intrude and I try to figure out how you would want me to move. Kind of like playing chess and waiting for your opponent to tell you what your next move should be. Well, I do not want to wait and guess and wonder for someone to direct my footsteps. I am independent at my core, I always have been and always desire to be so. I've needed another before, someone that I allowed to tell me the next move, someone I sought out for most everything in my life whether g...
Post a Comment
Read more

Deadlines...termination dates...expirations...

 So, I've had my head in a place lately...end of story type place. I wonder, what would I do if I was given an expiration date? Like, "you have until June 30th to do everything, then you will wake up in Heaven, never to be on Earth again" type expiration date. This comes up because recently, I was told that I had maybe 6 months left with my mom. My head started spinning once the conversation was over. What do I need her to know? What do I need to know from her? What do I do to prepare for this? Can I even do anything to prepare for it? I started doing things that are not at all wise things to do in this situation. You see, when my depression is heavy, I call mom. When my anxiety threatens my day, I call mom. When something exciting happens, I call mom. You get the point, right? So, I thought to myself one day, "Chris, you're going to have to get used to not calling mom, so you might as well start now". So, I called mom, almost daily still, but not for my ...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Choose....TO LIVE

Choices. This word can be a very painful and all consuming word.  My life has been overwhelmed with choices since July, 2019. My 19 year marriage ended and brought with it so very many decisions. Then, of course, the 2020 pandemic has caused even more choices to be made. I do not deal well with confronting emotions and working through them or talking about them or feeling them. I REALLY do not like emotions. I like to keep them safe and secure in the boxes in my head. But throughout this past 18 months (that seems like 10 years of my life shaved off) I have been gut punched by emotions and the choices and decisions that needed to be made because of emotions. There's a bucket full of emotions that still have to be sorted out and dealt with because of the marriage. Happiness was not a common emotion felt during that situation. There were decisions made that hurt me that I am still working through and will likely be working through for awhile yet. I won't air too much dirty laundr...
Post a Comment
Read more