Why do we settle? Why is it that we think we only deserve just so much? I've always know what I wanted but I was always of the opinion that it was unattainable for me. I wanted what was always depicted in fairy tales and love stories. I wanted a happy home where everyone loved each other. Everyone was happy. All were healthy. All the needs were met and the desires were obtainable.
This is definitely not the hand of cards that I have been dealt nor that I have experience playing. I know financial struggles. I know worrying about how you're going to feed your unborn child when you have money enough to get a mountain dew and a snickers bar to spread over 2 to 3 days. I remember handing washing clothes in the bathtub and hoping that you catch enough sun on the roof during the winter to dry them rather than freeze them.
Man, jeans are harsh when you put them on off of a freezing roof! I remember walking around during the day just looking for returnable pop bottles. For those without knowledge, pop is what Northerners call soda and once upon a time, glass bottles could be turned in to stores for, I think, ten cents. So, I would walk around looking for haphazardly discarded pop bottles and turn them in to my local neighborhood store where the owner would let me get "food" that was on his convienence store shelves even if I was a bit short in bottles. He even allowed me to sweep the store after a bit. This was good because he paid me in sandwiches instead of snickers bars. He talked to me about the baby. I remember his heart felt tears when I showed up after the miscarriage. He was a sweet angel in a very dark time.
I well understand the struggles of health problems. This overshadows the financial problems ten fold in my life's journey. Mental health....uuuggghhh. The challenges of having mental health when no one talked about it publicly. Though the stigma is a bit better now than when I grew up, there is still definitely a stigma so discussions have to be carefully chosen. To have met someone who not only tries to learn and understand you and your mental health but to desire to teach you and work with you when it's darkening your doorstep is another part of this unattainable fairy tale.
I started this entry prior to a devastating storm and at the beginning of this fairy tale. I am happy to report I have, thus far, survived both.
All my love, Me
This is definitely not the hand of cards that I have been dealt nor that I have experience playing. I know financial struggles. I know worrying about how you're going to feed your unborn child when you have money enough to get a mountain dew and a snickers bar to spread over 2 to 3 days. I remember handing washing clothes in the bathtub and hoping that you catch enough sun on the roof during the winter to dry them rather than freeze them.
Man, jeans are harsh when you put them on off of a freezing roof! I remember walking around during the day just looking for returnable pop bottles. For those without knowledge, pop is what Northerners call soda and once upon a time, glass bottles could be turned in to stores for, I think, ten cents. So, I would walk around looking for haphazardly discarded pop bottles and turn them in to my local neighborhood store where the owner would let me get "food" that was on his convienence store shelves even if I was a bit short in bottles. He even allowed me to sweep the store after a bit. This was good because he paid me in sandwiches instead of snickers bars. He talked to me about the baby. I remember his heart felt tears when I showed up after the miscarriage. He was a sweet angel in a very dark time.
I well understand the struggles of health problems. This overshadows the financial problems ten fold in my life's journey. Mental health....uuuggghhh. The challenges of having mental health when no one talked about it publicly. Though the stigma is a bit better now than when I grew up, there is still definitely a stigma so discussions have to be carefully chosen. To have met someone who not only tries to learn and understand you and your mental health but to desire to teach you and work with you when it's darkening your doorstep is another part of this unattainable fairy tale.
I started this entry prior to a devastating storm and at the beginning of this fairy tale. I am happy to report I have, thus far, survived both.
All my love, Me
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